Restaurant etiquette

A few weeks ago, I did something in a restaurant that made me half ashamed. Now that I read Stephen Cox's latest Word Watch column, I'm half proud too. After being harassed at least an honest four or five times by waitresses and busboys who wanted to know, "how's yer meal goin'" and "how's everything," and the awkward "how's dinner tasting," the very owner of the restaurant came up, put his hand on my shoulder and asked, "how's your dining experience?" I replied, "don't touch me!" He said, "okay," and removed his hand. Then I said, "the food is okay; that's all." He left. My wife and friends silently looked at their plates.

Was that wrong? Probably. I guess Cox and I are both offended by words that are nowadays, sadly, perfectly good etiquette.

Charlton Heston, Civil Rights Activist

The NRA must be the most successful advocate of individual civil liberties anywhere in the world. I know that's a big, broad claim, but I think it's true.

The civil liberty that the NRA defends is the right of individuals to carry arms. For the NRA, that means mostly firearms, and the NRA fights for the right to carry them. The NRA's favorite liberty has plenty of enemies. Governments and the busybodies that they employ have the same persistent urge to restrain gun rights as any other rights.

The NRA makes a lot of noise about its setbacks and losses. But don't let that fool you. The right to keep and carry arms is much more broadly respected by jurisdictions all over the United States than it was five, ten, or 20 years ago. What other civil rights can you say that about? In the case of gun rights, the opponents of liberty are losing. What a joy to be able to say that about the enemies of any individual liberty! I'll repeat myself just for fun: They are on their heels and in retreat. They are getting their butts kicked and handed to them in a sling. In the tally sheets, their loss column is long and crowded.

According to the Washington Post, 48 states now have "processes that allow people to legally carry firearms for self defense, compared with six states in 1982." (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/27/AR2008022703131.html?hpid=sec-nation.) In the same article, an opponent of a proposal to allow more guns in national parks whines about how good the NRA is at lobbying: "It's a political maneuver by the NRA. They are using this as a political tool to build up support heading into the elections." Don't you wish the opponents of other liberties were crying the same tears over the anti-tax lobby or the drug decriminalization lobby or the tame-the-commerce-clause lobby or the private property lobby?

I predict that several obituaries will paint Charlton Heston's presidency of the NRA as a blot on his career. Others will say that he honored the NRA by taking that office. I say that, more than any Oscar, his presidency of the NRA honored him. May he rest in peace.

NOT SO BRITE LITES

I'm grateful to Andrew Ferguson for his reflection in Liberty (Moonland security, April 2007) reminding me about the story of moronic public officials and finger-wagging reporters caught up in the Great Lite Brite Scare. Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens planted little LED light displays around Boston as part of a marketing campaign for a television program. Boston's famously expensive and ridiculous reaction to these harmless illuminations made me cringe.

Then, God bless them, Berdovsky and Stevens, out on bail after having been arrested for I can't imagine what gave an illuminating press conference. At the conference they said that they were there to talk about hairstyles of the 70s. Whenever a reporter asked an impertinent 'question', such as, "you seem not to be taking this seriously," they would reply, "I'm sorry, but that's not a hair question."
Brilliant! This exchange was precious: reporter (to the guys' lawyer): "Have they been advised to act like they're not taking this seriously?"

Berdovsky's answer was, "That's ALSO not a hair question."

More of that please! When did the tone of public life become so damned righteous, officious, and petty?

Next time someone asks you a stupid question, in honor of Berdovsky and Stevens, just say, "That's not a hair question."

Here's a little update, based on a bunch of sloppy online research that I did:

One blogger reported that, at the press conference, Berdovsky said, "We need some time to really sort things out and, you know, figure out our response to this situation in other ways than talking about hair. So if you could just give us some privacy for a little bit. ... I will be trying to make sense of all it real soon."

Police in New York, where someone placed similar toys, got a list of locations from the marketing firm that Berdovsky and Stevens worked for. Almost all of the little gadgets were gone, apparently stolen, before the police could confiscate them. And, predictably, the little devices are selling for thousands on Ebay.

Laser graffiti artists in the Netherlands lit up a big building with "Free Berd," short for Free Berdovsky. Wow! Stevens and Berdovsky tweaked the media and the city of Boston and inspired the Dutch to humor. Is there anything they can't do? Hey, wait a minute! That's not a hair question.